How It Goes

I'm in complete denial about the fact that I'm in the last two weeks of finals.

There are little things from each of my friends that I think just define them as a person to me, and kind of define our friendship (in a good way).  These are some of my favorite snapshots of some of my friends: Audrie: The year my dad died I was in seventh grade and I really just retreated into myself. I didn't have a lot of friends and didn't want to talk to anyone. She was a kinda-friend at the time. Someone that I knew, but not very well. I was next to her in the linch line once, and this guy said something about a necklace I was wearing. It was a necklace that said ANGEL on one side and GAVIN on the other. Gavin was my dad's name, and my aunt had gotten the necklace for me, and this guy was being ride about it. And Audrie stepped in front of me, tucked the necklace under my collar so you couldn't see it, and took it up with the guy, basically saving me from a confrontation that I hod no idea how to deal with. And it was awesome. To this day I'm glad she did t...

K is like, the bomb-diggety, and right here is one of the reasons. I was about to close the door to my room as K was leaving after I turned off all the lights because I thought my laptop was giving off light, but then I realized it wasn't, so I had this intense panic attack about being left alone in the dark and yelled/screamed a little as I flipped a light switch to light up the room, but it was one of the ones that takes a while to turn on, and it flickers while it does that, and I knew that that would just terrify me even more, so I covered my face with my hands. K then comes in and re-opens the door all the way since it hadn't even managed to close all the way yet and asked if I was actually okay, and then we dissolved into laughing about the ridiculousness of the situation. This whole thing took about maybe 30 seconds, that was how fast it all was, but it was hilarious.

I'm not where I want to be right now. I'm in a slump. I'm tired of college classes and nowhere near close to being done with finals. There's about three weeks left in the semester and I'm so ready for it to be done right now. I can't stand anything classes-wise right now. All of my work is piling up around me right now and I'm struggling to stay afloat in my classes. I understand it's college and that it's finals, but I have a ridiculous amount of work happening in each of my classes and I feel like each of my professors are expecting 110% from each student, and I can't do that for each class. It's wearing me down. Last night I got three hours of sleep from 4am to 7am. I slept again after my class, but all of that time I was working on stuff for one class. One class.  I had an essay due today that didn't get done because I didn't have the time to do it (but I'm getting it done tonight, so that's a little better). But still...

People say that you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. While I do think that's true, it's also a little not. To me, your family isn't something that you can just ignore and leave behind, you can't pick them after all. Your friends you do pick, but you also form a sort of family with them. In my current case my group of friends here at college and I have made a family tree that actually works super well with our group dynamic, so it's actually pretty funny in the long run. Especially the siblings. of which I am a part of. With us siblings, the age order we're put in is actually how we are in our real families.

I might have a crush on a friend. And it will go exactly nowhere, I don't want it to, because that would be bad and I don't want to lose a friend. But I really don't like it. Anyway.