How It Goes

I love Christmas. Not as much as Halloween, but it's a close second. You see, I don't get to see my family a lot since I basically always have to be somewhere doing something, but during Christmas I get a chance to see all of my siblings and most of the cousins/aunts/uncles that I never see anytime else.  I'm one of those weird people that actually really likes all of their family. We don't really have drama in our family, we're not like that, so there's no reason not to like everyone. (Although now that I'm older I'm actually finding out what the drama is)  So Merry Christmas to everyone that celebrates it! If you don't- Happy December and happy whatever holiday you celebrate!  (I had to wrap all of those suckers). Bye everyone!

How can one person manage to fuck up so goddamn much in life? It's like I'm watching myself purposely destroying everything I have, but not doing anything about it because I don't even know how to fix it. I'm so afraid of failing (even though I think I am). My classes, my job, I'm doing so horribly in both of those right now. I think I've just done so shittily on my finals that I'm afraid of failing the semester. Even more than that, I'm afraid that I'm not smart enough for this school. Like, maybe the farce (i.e. my being here and trying to major in architecture and having these friends and this life) is over. I just don't know how to fix anything (everything)  that's gone wrong, and once I do try I can't focus, and then all I want to do is go back to my bed and read and sleep for days. What's wrong with me? Why can't I be better?

Now that I need to have it, my ability to focus is shot. Gee THANKS!

Today, as with most laundry days, I decided to be an asshole. You see, I like to wait until the last possible moment to do my laundry when I have a crap-ton of it and no longer have any clothes left to wear. The asshole part comes along with the fact that I slowly take over a whole floor's laundry room. Basically, I monopolize both washers and dryers which they always tell you not to do but I do it anyway and I feel like as asshole and it's kind of fun. And then last night my life was a thrilling night of homework and cleaning my apartment. Wow, my life isn't thrilling at all. Oh well, I'm resigned to my fate. Bye everyone.

I've been feeling really down lately. I was a part of this gift exchange with sorority sisters from all around the US, and it was super exciting, 'cause you make this wishlist online and put fun stuff on it and then you got paired up with another sister who you were to send a gift to. And I did send my gift, and my secret sister loved it and there's still more on the way for her because the other company is super slow, and I'm really excited for her to still get that, but... I didn't get anything. Maybe that sounds whiny to some of you, and I hate being whiny, but I've been really down lately and so I was super looking forward to getting a fun present in the mail. Even if it was just one thing. But it's been over five weeks since we got our secret sisters assigned to us, and still nothing. And I guess I'm just feeling really disappointed, and kind of like no one cares (when I know they do, but this kind of being ignored really hurts. When you try r...

I just really want all of my Harry Potter books right now. And the movies. And for finals to be over so that I can marathon both of them. It's been way too long since I've read/watched HP shtuffs and I'm just really missing that right now.

Today is a weird day. Not weird as in weird things have been happening, but more like I woke up and something just felt really off. Last night I felt like I could conquer the earth if I wanted. Then I woke up and everything felt a little off. Nothing felt good. It was as though somebody had taken everything in the world and shifted it two inches to the left, as though somebody woke up and was like 'Let's fuck with this person a little. Make them feel crazy.'  (Or maybe it's my brain that's shifted just a bit). Like, now, I have no motivation (and I NEED to have motivation. We're in the three weeks of finals now). I have a lot of work to do, and I know how important it is for me to finish it all, but I can't muster up enough feeling to care. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I don't want. Something about today is just wrong.

So, I bought myself a thermometer today. I feel like having those kind of house essentials that you don't always realize you need is a step to being able to live on my own. Kind of. (I actually still suck at living alone. Roommates are a big help for me)

I want to talk about Sisterhood (the sorority kind, which is why I capitalized the S), because the sisters in my sorority are just fabulous people. I feel like whenever I start to get/feel pretty down about life, something sorority-related happens to cheer me up. And this isn't limited to just the girls in my chapter. This year, I've managed to amazingly branch out and meet sisters in other chapters from different states who are all such amazing people. Being apart of the Deephers means that there's an instant 'Hi friend!' kind of vibe whenever you talk to another sister. You already have this amazing, big thing in common, so it's that much easier to become friends with someone. And it's just like, I know there are nice non-Deepher people out there to meet, and also that I could make friends with the Deephers without being, but Deephers are just so nice and caring that it's hard to not want to be a part of them and to get to know more of them. I'm ...

I'm so sleeeeeeppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.........................

I have a theory: that you never forget your last moments you had with the people who were important to you. I base this off of my own personal experiences. So, Thanksgiving's coming up and all that fun family stuff, and my dad's 67th birthday would have been this past November 4th, and this kind of stuff, it just makes my brain think of family things. And especially the last moments I had with people, because those are the things that just tend to stick with you. For instance, I remember the week leading up to both my Nana and my Dad's passing away. I remember further back too, but the week-ish leading up was the worst. You always want to remember people at their best, when they were healthy and happy, but the images of them at their lowest just can't leave you. And I was there. both times, for the actual passing away. I'm glad I'm so stubborn, because it was just me and one of my aunts the night my Nana passed away. I convinced my mom to let me stay the nigh...

Hello lovelies! So, all day I've had this really weird headache, and I've been really sleepy (not uncommon for a Friday after a long week), but I still didn't know why and it's been bugging me. But I think I've finally figured it out. I haven't had any coffee. All. Day. I think every day this week I've consumed multiple cups of coffee, but that didn't happen  today (It stopped after, like, 4am. A very reasonable hour to be drinking coffee). I think I might have a problem. I think this also describes my problem pretty well:  14 Coffee Memes To Express Your Addiction Perfectly Have a lovely night! TheFabKid

"...the unmistakable brightness of high school in their faces..." This is part of a line from a story I'm reading that's narrated by two college students. I find it funny because it's like the author is saying something along the lines of college sucking all of the brightness and joy out of you. (And I'm joking a little when I say that, because college isn't really that bad. The fun and the work equal themselves out-college is pretty great actually).

That minty, clean, fresh feeling you get after you brush your teeth that you just can't get from anything else.

The same things that make me feel like a grown-up also make me feel like a little kid again. For instance, tonight I went over to a friend's house, where we drank a little and watched a movie  and he fed me good food stuffs. I also haven't been home for almost three whole months. I've seen my mom and my puppy since then, but not my best friends nor have I actually been home. Like, it's grown-up to move away and not go a home a  lot. It's grown up to hang out with friends and drink and stuff. It's not grown up to feel homesick. It's not grow-up to pretend like you're an adult can do adult things. I'd like to think I'm an adult, but really I'm just a sad kid trying to cover up all of my flaws and insecurities and make myself look tougher than I really am. TheFabKid (I'm too tired to be thinking about stuff like this.I just need to go to sleep.)

Movies are weird shit man. They show you this fun reality where people do fun things all the time, and get to do these cool things. and have awesome things happen to them, and then after they're over, you're just supposed to go back to your normal life, like 'Yeah, this is some cool shit.' Because bad things happen to the people on-screen, but they always have some way out of it. By the end of the program their problem is fixed, and everyone's happy and nothing is ever bad anymore. But that's not how real life works. Real life is an unending series of ups and downs, and where for some people there are more downs than ups and there are no long-lasting solutions to their problems. And I happen to think that's kind of sucky, honestly. So yeah.  TheFabKid

I haven't been able to sleep lately. Or rather, I've been having trouble going to sleep. I lay down in bed, listen to my music, and then suddenly I'm overcome with this weird feeling. It's something like melancholy and missing something, but not knowing what I'm missing. So I'm just laying there, feeling sad and not tired enough to not think about being sad, so I pick up a book and read. I read and I read until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open anymore, then I put my book down for 'a quick break' and wake  up the next morning to my alarm clock. It's a system, and it works, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. TheFabKid

I'm going to explain myself a little bit here. Because I want to. You may have read about my late night/early morning adventures  here , but I didn't really go into much depth on the why of everything. Or the what of everything. You see, that night I just could not do it anymore. My dorm room felt too confining and I just hod to get away, otherwise I don't know what I would have done. But I could not be in my room anymore. So I took off, trying to run away from any and all of my problems. And ti worked for a short while, up until I ended up sobbing my heart out in my car a little while later. I felt (re: still feel) like a miserable failure with school and everything else and I just couldn't handle any of it anymore. I had to do something to get rid of the feeling, and while crying helped, it was also just kind of fuel for the flames because it brought on more of this hopeless feeling that had different contributing factors, like how I haven't been home in almos...

SO I've just realized that three of my last four blog post titles have ended in question marks. I think this is a sign that I REALLY don't know what I'm doing with my life. Oh well! I think Chandler outlines my feelings pretty well right here: TheFabKid

So, K and M are getting involved in NaNoWriMo now, and it makes me want to pick up writing again. I used to write all the time, I started in middle school and even took an independent study with one of my english teachers my senior year of high school for creative writing, and I LOVED it. (Although I just went back and started to read some of what I had written, and it's super cringe-worthy. Like, what was I even thinking??!!) So yeah. I don't have the time, but I might make the time for myself. Writing and drawing and such are really good ways for me to channel myself, which would be especially good now, because I tend to have these big periods of time when I can't sleep (even though I want to) and I just want to do something (but homework is out of the question), so I think if I started to work on a novel again I might feel better. That's all for now. Have a good whatever time of the day it is for you! TheFabKid

I have a gigundo sweater that is basically just a small blanket that I can wear around. It's frigging great! *(One of my friends wrapped the arms of it around me to see if it would fit like a straightjacket, and it did. I'm just super special like that.)

So, I think I've just had what ended up being the most interesting solo adventure of my college career to date. Let's make a list of what I did: Took a 2 AM shower, because I didn't want to make myself get up earlier in the morning for one.  Decided that I just could not stand being in Southfield for one moment later and took off on a drive with my journal, two books (both by John Green), and a blanket.  Ended up at the pavilion in Farmington Hills where my friends (I haven't had the time this year) go swing dancing. (2:30 AM)  Journaled Try to read, end up crying and feeling amazingly pathetic while doing so for about 20 minutes about everything that is currently wrong with my life (my list is long, and covers many an interesting subject, including homesickness, classes, best friends being far away, how I'm a pathetic mess this semester, ect.). (3:15) Decided to then drive somewhere else. Wanted to test my knowledge of the area.  Ended up in Royal Oak. (4:...

Another thing on the list of activities that make me feel grown-up: Making my own coffee at 2-AM in preparation for my all-nighter.

Most of the time I feel like a 4-year old kid who shouldn't be allowed to handle their own life plus more responsibilities, but I always feel strangely grown-up whenever I cut my own bangs.(Only the bangs because they get in my eyes and it's really annoying. If I tried to do the rest of my hair it would end in disaster.) It's kind of like, 'Wow, I did that, and it didn't look shitty! I must be a real person or something!' But yeah, I just thought I'd share my ever-important thoughts with y'alls. Bye for now! TheFabKid

What I really love about music is that once you have headphones on, you're in a world completely your own, immersed completely into whatever you're hearing. It different than listening to music just out there in the open, or a at a party. It's personal and lovely. My own landscape shaped by lyrics that sometimes mean so much more than just what they're saying.

Pues, I was looking through some stuff and I managed to find all of the senior pictures that other people gave to me (Seniors practically treat them like trading cards in high school). And all of them were lovely, as most messages are on the back of senior pics, but I came across this gem from a guy that I kind of knew/was friends with in just my senior year, and I must say, I'm pretty sure it's a gem. "Mackenzie, I only knew you this year during AP English 'cause we were table partners. I am glad I got to look at your amazing drawings on your hand. (And here's where the true gem is) Also listening to your brief captions on the book I didn't read. Thank you. Good luck at college." Maybe it's not as funny as it normally would be due to the amount of caffeine that I've had and what time it is in the morning, but I think it's pretty hilarious (especially since I forgot about all of this until I read the notes). Bye! TheFabKid

Today I decided to go back and re-read my whole blog, end to beginning (A newer form of procrastination for me, but a good one nonetheless), and it was  weird. Nor bed-weird, but just super duper strange, to see almost everything that I've been thinking over the past year, to go back and look at the roller-coaster of how my life went, even just in the past few months since I've gotten back to college. Like, things that I forgot about for whatever reason, and seeing how incredible(ly easy) everything was for me last year.  Like, I don't know if I posted about it, but something I did post reminded me of it-the fact that last year during finals for the first semester I just really wanted some dried seaweed. It was something that one of my friends had shown me over the summer that I really liked, and that at around 4:00 am as I was making one of my portfolios, I really, really  wanted some. So I found the closest place that was open that had some, and drove like 10 minutes a...

So, I work the info desk in my housing structure, which means that I give people their prints, packages, rent out equipment to people, ect. ect. Generally it's really boring, and I get paid to do my homework and watch Netflix every week, easy stuff. But you know what makes it nice? When people strike up conversations with you while you're doing this stuff for them. Like, the printer? It takes a while to spit out a big print (and just prints in general) and generally I just don't talk to the people when they do this, but I've had this guy who usually comes by on my Sunday shift for prints and he usually talks to me while I'm doing this and it's just a nice experience (and a great reprieve from people who don't seem to understand [no matter how many times we tell them] that if you don't have a package slip then you can't get your flipping package-no matter if you got an email about it or whine enough, I can't do that for you!). TheFabKid

You all need to go watch the Inspector Lewis series on Masterpiece Mystery right now. It's kind of amazing and I love the show lots and lots and the new season aired last week, but I missed it on TV, and now it's online and I love it to death. They're so great

There's something that kind of sucks about reading a wonderful, amazing, down-to-earth, well-written book. Not the book itself, obviously, but it just kind of ruins most books for you afterward. Nothing is ever quite up to snuff with what you've read, but you read it anyway, even though it's a little sad. And that is my current experience and it sucks. I love books too much.

There's something I want to talk about, a topic I want to throw out there. It's about me, and my current person status, and I'm afraid to publicly talk about it because maybe I'm over-analyzing the situation. I could be completely off the spectrum about what happening, but I want to talk about it anyway. I'm afraid that I might be Depressed, as in the actual, clinical meaning of the word, the kind that deserves a capital D. In a million years I would never have guessed that it would be me saying that because I am happy a lot, and sad sometimes, but that's just normal for any person. But I was curious, and I looked it up online (Stupid I know. Of medical diagnoses found online I am very skeptical. I know that information can be interpreted in a number of ways, and that even though you think you know the meaning of what you're reading, it doesn't mean that you actually do). And the signs and symptoms they mentioned in a couple different articles fit me to...

This is a great week for all folks, because it's my birthday week!!!! Yay me (Because I love myself, so of course yay me)! And because it is my birthday week in my birthday month with my birthday day coming up, nothing can go wrong this week, nothing at all. I could be jinxing myself by saying that, but I seriously don't think so. (And why? Because it's my birthday week!) (Although I'll still be a baby in comparison to everyone else I know. One of my good friends is turning old the day after me, so I don't think I'm the one actually getting older, everyone else just is.) TheFabKid

I have a lot of appreciation for coffee.  -TheFabKid

I just watched this video, but I think more people need to see this. Try it! Click on the link below! WATCH ME! TheFabKid

There is something incredibly disheartening about drawing the same thing a second time, especially when the reason your first drawing is gone was partly because of your impatience, but also because of you fugging computer. And then your professor is a complete bitch about it. And then after class you call your mother and end up crying (when that's really what you wanted to do in class when you weren't getting indignantly angry for the whole situation). So yeah. But that aside, I'm honestly glad that I read that book last night to procrastinate. There's a character in the book that I just really identify with after today. Basically all of the soul-crushing that school is currently causing me is something that she struggles with the course of the whole story, and it's just nice to be able to identify with someone. I feel like there's just so much going on right now, and I'm over-extending myself, and I know it, but that I just can't stop it. But I...

Guys, I just read a whole book instead of doing my homework. A WHOLE BOOK!! That is seriously a new level of procrastination for me. TheFabKid

I think I've talked repeatedly about the bad choices that I make in life here, so I'm going to talk about my current predicament now. SO, I'm an archi major, and we have to build models. I hate building models. Loathe it really. I just can't deal with all of the painstaking details that you have to make. I'm not very good at that-I prefer hand-drawing to anything else, especially model building. So I've been really procrastinating all of the studio work that I have to do because it's all models and computer work. Literally all of it! But I have a crap-ton of it due on Monday, so I've spent my Saturday night (and Sunday morning) building models for a class. Yay me! And the coup d'etat is that I'm working a Comerica game tomorrow! Working a game is where my sorority goes and work the concessions at a Tigers game and earn money for ourselves for sorority stuff. We're at the stadium from about 9-5 and on our feet all day .  I couldn't fee...

Harry Potter marathons with besties.

I just wanted to give a shoutout to all of my supermegafoxyawesomehot friends out there! You know who you are.

I am officially appointing myself as super-stalker extraordinaire from this point onward.

A bag of gummy bears that never ends...

NAPS

I've got a Chipolte date tomorrow!!!! Not with a boy, that's overrated, but with a friend! I've never been to Chipolte, so I'm pretty darn excited.

Going to sleep in a nicely made bed (not made as in craftsmanship, but as in the covers are all neat and folded and shtuff).

I just had such an amazing weekend, and it's not even over yet! This weekend I had the chance to go see Oprah and several other speakers at The Palace of Auburn Hills, and all for free. Someone had donated tickets in their suite at The Palace to the organization that I was apart of at home, Guardian Gals Inc, which is all about volunteering and knowing your community, and empowering yourself and everything wonderful like that. And we got free tickets to go! So I decided, on a whim, to not care of the implications of what I might miss, or time on homework lost and go to the event. This ended up making me feel so much better for going. You see, this happened to come at just the right point. As you may or amy not know from previous blog entries, my week wasn't super stellar, especially the two days before the event. But then I went into this workshop and it was everything I needed. What all of these amazing people were saying seemed to be connecting directly to what...

This was not a good week for me. As a result, I have eaten my feelings a LOT this week. You see, this was apparently the week when EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I'VE EVER BEEN INVOLVED WITH EVER decided that they need to do something. Recruitment started this week for the sorority, so that's a full-time everyday thing that I've only had the time to go to TWICE this week. That isn't acceptable, in my eyes and probably those of my sisters, which is completely understandable. I feel so bad about that, but hopefully next week I should be going to more events and spending more time at the booth. But the reason for that? My studio classes both decided to puke work onto me to the point that I'm basically swimming in it. I have been doing so much homework and actual work this week, it's fucking ridiculous. I don't think I've ever had this much work this early in, and I'm honestly very upset about it. They expect perfection on every little detail of every projec...

Let me just take a rage-filled moment to say: calling someone's project 'shit' will not make them a better student. Calling them and a few others out as examples of how your class as a whole sucks with the work that it's produced will not make them a good student. It will fill them with rage so strong that they want to punch you in the face. It will piss them off and make them intensely dislike you as a teacher. Doing either of those things is not a good teaching strategy and will not produce wonderful,beautiful things, so why in the seven fucking hells would you do it?!?!??!?!? So basically you could say that I didn't have a very good day in the lab portion of my architecture studio class today. In fact, today marks the first day ever in college that I've basically cried in class (I pretty much ran straight to the bathroom as soon as my stupid-ass teacher stopped talking so that no one would know). And I'm not searching for pity with that statement, it...

I think my camp homesickness is just now hitting me. But I also think it's more than that. I'm not really into anything right now. I feel kind of empty, both both not wanting to do anything and wanting to do everything right now, a walking contradiction. Bottom line, I feel like a mess. I don't really know what to do with my life, and I feel like I've lost most of my control over my life. Not in the sense that someone else is holding the reins, but more like I have so much going on now that I don't know where to start in getting it all done like I should. One little slip and all of the strings holding me together will be scattered to the winds. So yeah. TheFabKid

I'm writing only because I can't sleep. It's 5am and yesterday I got about 3 hours of sleep, but I still can't sleep. And it pisses me off because I actually really want to sleep, but my body just won't listen to me. My sleep schedule is so fucked up that I'm just basically screwed over for the school year. I was talking to K today about my problem and she basically said, 'I legitimately can't fall asleep and I still get more sleep than you do.' It's true and it sucks. So yeah. That's my life. I'm expecting to just turn into a zombie before too long, or just go insane due to the amount of sleep I'm getting (or rather, not getting). Much Love, TheFabKid

I have to do reading for one of my architecture studios, no big deal. I don't mind reading at all really. But then I came across this reading. It is so darn-tootin-flipping infuriating I could punch a bitch*!!! And not only do I have to read it, I have to write a synopsis and a response AND come up with two 'carefully-crafted' questions. It's going to take all I've got to not give the most sarcastic and bitchy answers that I know I could.  That is all. Enough of my bitching about homework section,  I have to get back to the most horrible thing I've ever read on the history of the planet. Toodaloo! TheFabulouslyIrritatedKid *When I say 'punch a bitch' I'm never referring to anyone in particular. It's just the term that I use to describe my irritation (I've also never punched anyone in my life [but I have thought about it with a few people]).

So, there's this really cool song that I'm currently obsessing over. It's actually kind of fueling my missing camp because that's where I first learned the song. My co-counselor from the Dunes trip would sing it, and I think it was used by a couple people for their ditties. Anyway, I think it's just so lovely of a song. I love the way it's sang and the instruments and everything about it basically. I think more people should know about this song. Riptide-Vance Joy But wait, there's more! (I feel like an infomercial). For a flip side to the somewhat sad tone that I just set, I offer up this song! You've probably all heard it by now (this is pretty popular), but I just love it so much! "But I'm here to tell you that every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top" "Yeah my mama she told me don't worry about your size. She says that boys like a little more booty to hold at night" I mean, those lyrics! There's...

I really like this article, it's pretty interesting. Click it (you know you want to)!! TheFabKid

Lately I don't really know how to feel about anything anymore. Not in a bad way, but just in a way. That's all.

Something that I've recently affirmed myself to is not to hang around shitty people Or, really just people that make me feel shitty about myself, make me feel like less than I am. Now this isn't about just one person, or people, or situation, it's just a life thing. For me, I act like I have so much more self-esteem than I actually do. I'm honestly one of the most self-conscious people I know, but probably not a ton of people may know that. But I haven't always been like that. There are a ton of times where there are people, even ones that I'm friends with, that just sometimes make me feel crappy about myself, and I'm sick and tired of feeling that way. I love days where I feel great about myself, days when I can pick out all of what I think are great qualities about myself and just generally feel wonderful. I mean, everyone probably loves those days, 'cause it's when you feel like a gem and that's just honestly a great feeling. So yeah. That...

So, I'm really actually quite happy with everything in my life that's happening right now, but there's something missing. I'm itching for a cuddle. Someone to cuddle with, or human contact, or something. I'm just so used to living with other people, being in the same space with at least six others. and now I'm all on my lonesome. And I really wanted someone to cuddle wiht last night. And possibly tonight. So yeah. TheFabKid *As for the title, I have a rather large, floppy, stuffed moose named Gerard (after Gerard Butler) who is soft and wonderful but just isn't cutting it in the cuddling department at the moment.

Guys, I'm an RA now. This happened about 7 hours ago and it still hasn't really sunk in yet. So yeah, it's been an interesting day to say the least.

Freehanding a new friendship bracelet design.

Maybe since I'm only a half and hour into my first shift, I shouldn't be throwing away my blogging so early, but I'm gonna do it anyway. So hey all! It's been a crazy couple days here. Saturday was when both the kids and I left camp. I got home by 7, didn't bother unpacking, just ate and went to bed. Sunday was spent packing for college, which considering how much I get distracted and like to procrastinate, took a while. Monday I got up late, had to finish packing, got visited by both my aunt and best friend and left for college. I had to erie for four hours (or more) in the pouring rain. I got lost and stressed out, but finally made it to LTU, where I proceeded to get soaking wet when I was moving most of my stuff in (oh joy).  And now I'm working. So yeah, crazy couple of days there. My life is basically a whirlwind, forever and always. But it's so nice to get back to school! I didn't realize quite how much I liked it here until I got back. I got to ...

So guys, I really like to eat my feelings. It happens a lot, and today I had a lot of feelings and then proceeded to eat them out of my ratchet bag of candy that I labeled my shame candy. I even cried a little when I ate it (the crying was from something else, not the candy eating). The reason I have so many feelings? I left camp today. Packing up my car and leaving was possibly one of the most soul-crushing things I've done in the past year. The thing is the silent car ride home was horrible. This is the first time that I've driven myself to and from camp alone and it was just so sad. No friends to talk to, no family to regale with camp stories to keep my mind off the fact that I was going, just a bad time all around. So yeah, needless to say, I'm all around in a PCD stage. (Post Camp Depression). And in the wise words of Winnie The Pooh:

In case you couldn't tell, I'm feeling like a bit of a copycat about this post. Both of my roommates have just taken this colour test, claiming that it's weirdly accurate so I decided to take it, and holy shit is it ever. Kind of basically how I'm feeling. Your Existing Situation Works well with others. Needs personal relationships which are understanding and relatively conflict-free. Your Stress Sources "Needs to meet people who have the same high principals and values as himself, but finds the need unfulfilled. her need to feel dominate and superior leaves her feeling isolated and does not allow for her to give freely of himself. she would like to surrender and let go, but sees that as a weakness she must not give in to. Holding back will allow her to stand out for the crowd and earn a higher status, recognized by others as unique and important." Your Restrained Characteristics Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to...

Have you ever hiked the dunes? It's surprisingly difficult, contrary to popular belief. Sand walking is effing difficult, and when you've got 28 eleven year olds walking with you and seven other counselours spread out over probably half a mile. So yeahhhhh, that was the trip. But in all actuality it was awesome. I was with the pretty good campers most of the time, so they made the big hike okay, but I heard some stories from the counselours who were bringing up the back of the group (a.k.a. the slowest and most complaining campers). Apparently some of the kids were throwing themselves on the ground and refusing to walk. One of them was apparently even like, 'I'm never doing Isle Royale*, you can't make me go!' and just all of that fun stuff. I dealt with some tear too, but nothing like them. The dunes are so beautiful though, especially Devil's Bowl during the sunset. If you're ever in the area around the dunes I totally recommend going to see it. And ...

Today I got back from my three day, two night trip to the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes with four cabins of 11-year-olds. Basically, it was an adventure to remember. But I'm always going to remember the trip I think. So, you know those moments when you look up at the sky or you're in a big crowd and you suddenly realize just how big the world is and how tiny you are? Well, I've never had one of those moments until my first night on this trip when I was sitting outside looking up at the stars. There are little-to-none lights at the dunes and you can see so many stars out there and all I could think was 'Wow, the sky sure is beautiful and huge tonight.' It was so quiet and still, and it was one of those rare moments when I was alone for two seconds and it was such a great thing to experience.

My current feelings about college and all of the friends I made there. Missing Yous

Oreo ice cream bars for dessert. 

Something that I've just learned that I'm very good at: Making SUPER AWKWARD friend requests on Facebook. You may be asking yourself: "Now how is a friend request awkward? You don't even have to say anything to them!" But you see my friends, it can be awkward when you haven't had that many conversations with the person but you really want to be their friend in real life, and then stumble across their FB profile and you're just too overwhelmed by the person's coolness that the request gets sent. And that is how it's awkward. So yeah. There were just so many new cool people that are now on staff at camp and I just want to be friends with er'ey'one!

So, you're probably thinking that this is a super cliche and over talked about thing, but I think it's important to keep talking about it. Because it's hard to make yourself happy when you're sad. I recently was a guest speaker for chapel (which despite it's name is not religious) for the Killarney campers about embracing change. I chose to talk about how cancer had affected my family and how important it is to focus on the positives in a situation rather than the negatives. How we've all heard it before, but how essential that is in turning a completely shitty situation into a good one. And it is important. No matter how many times you hear it, it's a different matter to actually put it into practice, and that's what I have decided to do with my life. So yeah. Goodbye everyone! TheFabKid

So today was not the best day in the world. You see, today we got our new cabin assignments for the summer, and I was really hoping for a four-week cabin and one of the bigger, coolest trips. That didn't happen. I was assigned to a two-week cabin of little kids. A really big difference and I was really upset about it. Part of that was that for the past two cabin assignments I haven't really gotten what I preferenced on my sheet and that happening for the third time in a row was a real disappointment. Not going to lie, I cried when it happened. Not because I don't like the trip, but more because I wanted a four-week trip. But, the Pathfinder trip is going to be so amazing. I love my co-counselour: Sodgkins (her nickname, not her real name), she's so great. And the trip is super cool: three days spent on the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes. I've wanted to do this trip for a while, so doing it is going to be such a great experience. There are also three other cabins going on...

You may be able to judge from the title, but I've recently been learning about how to not judge people by their covers. Or rather, how I have in the past and have since learned that maybe what I thought was true isn't. Either way, I work at a summer camp where you meet a whole host of new people that you've never met before and you're around people that you've know for almost six summers. I the past I've been guilty of not trying to get to know some people better because of what I think they're like based on little things I see them doing throughout the day, or how they talk, but I've re-met some people this summer that make me feel bad for doing that. I guess it's just one of those things that I need to work on. #lifeskills

So, I don't know what to write about.  Not that I son't have anything to write about, plenty has happened to me in the past month, that the options for what I can write about are a little overwhelming.  The last time I posted I talked a lot about camp, which is where I've been for the past month as a counselor. We're finishing up the first session right now of the two month-long sessions of the summer. Of the many traditions at camp, two of my favourite ones are happening this Thursday. Everyone cries like a baby during them, but they're still my favorites. First is Final Banquet and then that night is Final Campfire.  During the banquet all of the counselours dress up really nicely and put on makeup and everything and we get really nice food and sing ditties* to the kids. At the campfire we sing slow songs and then everyone gets a candle and we do this thing where you have two people and one blows out the other's candle and then re-lights it with their own, ...

Reuniting with old friends.

Not having to sit through some training courses this year, and working outside, enjoying the sun instead.

I feel like watching me read a book or watch a movie the first couple times would be really entertaining. I was thinking about this as I re-read a book for the first time in ages, because I tend to get really involved with the main character and the storyline. Very, very, very involved. When they do something stupid, I get angry with the book, I get overly happy when the characters do what I tell them to (aka the book's storyline coincidentally follows what I really want to have happen), and then there are the times that I cry like a baby when a character dies, and it is not one bit pretty. The thing is, this all happens multiple times within a book/movie, and if it's a Disney or Pixar film with singing in it? Forget it- I'll be singing along very wholeheartedly the whole time. Basically, I think my reactions make quite the experience.

So, I just wrote a post about how rad camp is, but I have some special memories that I don't want to forget about.  When I was an LC we did a devotion* amongst the twenty of us about what our biggest obstacle is that we've overcome. Luckily, I didn't have to go first, because it's hard to come up with something like that off the top of your head. What I eventually came to though was my dad's death, which is still pretty painful to talk about, especially at that point. You see, this was an emotional devotion, one that had quite a few of us in tears, including myself. Obstacles are tough after all. But the reason that it's so special is because even though a ton of us were crying, we were all supporting one another. Both of the girls sitting beside me helped me through it by holding me and a ton of people were doing the same, and it was just one of those great experiences when you know that everyone around you totally supports you and that you return that support...

Okay, so it's 4:18 AM and I'm writing this post because, like always, stupid me decided to pull an all-nighter the night before I do something big. I think I've practically made it a tradition at this point, because I swear I've done this before every big event and long car ride (where I have to drive). I make the stupid decision to stay up late instead of getting the proper amount of sleep like a normal person would.  But I digress.  So, tomorrow (or, actually, today really), I'm going to camp!!!! My friends that are around me a lot know how big of a deal this is to me, because I talk about camp a lot.  You see, this will be my sixth summer at camp, and third time begin there for the whole summer. It's kind of a big deal. I used to go there as a camper, and for the past two and a half years (including this one) I've been working as a camp counselor there. It's one of my favorite places ever and holds so many good memories (hence the reason I talk a...

Admiring a garden that you've just planted and thinking it looks AH-mazing.

ri·dic·u·lous     [ ri- dik -y uh -l uh s ]     Show IPA adjective 1. causing   or   worthy   of   ridicule   or   derision;   absurd;   preposterous;   laughable:   a   ridiculous   plan. 2. Slang.   absurdly   or   unbelievably   good,   bad,   crazy,   etc.:   The   concert   was   ridiculous,   their   best   performance ever! I am a ridiculous person. I drink ridiculous amounts of coffee, sing (quid badly) a ridiculous amount (because it's SO MUCH FUN), say ridiculous things, and come up with ridiculously bad parodies of popular songs. (But it's super fun to be like that sometimes, so if you're ridiculous too-embrace it!) Well, one popular song, Let It Go, that iconic song from Frozen. This post is stemming from the fact that I was coming up with a parody of that song tonight, I think about my hot cocoa, when I...

I don't hide the fact that I have tattoos, in fact I love them, and love showing them off to people. Explaining what they are and what they mean; talking about the ones I want in the future. There are probably tons of photos and funny articles about the dumb tattoos that people have gotten and where they got them, bad quality and good quality alike (I've read some of them). And people deride tattoos, saying they're bad, that you'll regret them later, that it won't look good when you're trying to get a job and look professional, that they won't age well. But I have to disagree with that. Yeah, there are stupid people with sucky tattoos, but you kind of just have to forget about them. There are tons of dumb people in the world. I like to forget about those tattoos because I've seen ones that are amazing, real works of art. Ones that may or may not mean anything to the person but regardless are amazing either way. I also like the tattoos that mean somethi...

Fears are strange-how they come and go and develop over time. How something you were confident with before has you handling it with caution. It invades your subconscious, twists the way you react to something, and before you know it, you've changed. It's changed.

This last Thursday I got back from from visiting my brother, sister-in-law, and my niece (she's six months old and absolutely adorable) with my mom. We did a lot of super cool stuff over the course of three days there and two days spent traveling there. Besides this we also visited the Midtown Global Market, had Nepalese food, and my brother and I went on a ten-mile-abouts bike ride. It was super great to be able to go out and visit them. They live in another state, so we don't get to see them a lot, and this is also only the second time that I've gotten to see my niece, so going out to see them was a nice chance to visit. My ma and I also made a sight-seeing trip out of the ride to them (It's almost 11 hours, so breaks are nice) and split it up into two days. We got to see this abandoned town in the UP, Fayette, which is super cool and I recommend visiting it if you ever get the chance. Here are some of the photos from the trip:  I posed for some great shots (I...