4AM Breakfast
I'm going to explain myself a little bit here. Because I want to.
You may have read about my late night/early morning adventures here, but I didn't really go into much depth on the why of everything. Or the what of everything.
You see, that night I just could not do it anymore. My dorm room felt too confining and I just hod to get away, otherwise I don't know what I would have done. But I could not be in my room anymore. So I took off, trying to run away from any and all of my problems. And ti worked for a short while, up until I ended up sobbing my heart out in my car a little while later. I felt (re: still feel) like a miserable failure with school and everything else and I just couldn't handle any of it anymore. I had to do something to get rid of the feeling, and while crying helped, it was also just kind of fuel for the flames because it brought on more of this hopeless feeling that had different contributing factors, like how I haven't been home in almost 2 1/2 months, and how my best friend lives 8 hours away from me now, and the fact that I don't have a Nana or a dad anymore, basically bemoaning everything in my life that sucks. When everything comes together at once like that, the feelings kind of smack you in the face and demand to be felt.
Anyway, this all led to me debating driving home, at that exact second. Like, missing classes and just showing up at home. Or even not missing classes and just staying at home for a few hours before turning around and coming straight back home. Either option sounded perfect at the time (and even now it sounds pretty darn good) and I so just wanted to do it. Because maybe if I went home everything would be fixed, or maybe I would feel better about something, anything that was going on. I wondered how my mom would react. I have no idea what she would do. Like, literally no clue. I don't think she would be especially happy, but I don't think she'd be mad either (at least I hope not).
But I knew I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted ti to be, going home was not in the cards for me. Instead I drove to Royal Oak, the only other place I kind of knew how to get to, where I found a Leo's Coney Island, open 24 HRS. (i.e. The best thing to ever happen to me. I don't think that store realizes how much I needed it in that moment, and how happy it made me.). I got breakfast and diner coffee, just like what I got on days off from camp over the summer while I read my book, and I felt infinitely better about my life.
So yeah. There it is. Night y'alls.
TheFabKid
You may have read about my late night/early morning adventures here, but I didn't really go into much depth on the why of everything. Or the what of everything.
You see, that night I just could not do it anymore. My dorm room felt too confining and I just hod to get away, otherwise I don't know what I would have done. But I could not be in my room anymore. So I took off, trying to run away from any and all of my problems. And ti worked for a short while, up until I ended up sobbing my heart out in my car a little while later. I felt (re: still feel) like a miserable failure with school and everything else and I just couldn't handle any of it anymore. I had to do something to get rid of the feeling, and while crying helped, it was also just kind of fuel for the flames because it brought on more of this hopeless feeling that had different contributing factors, like how I haven't been home in almost 2 1/2 months, and how my best friend lives 8 hours away from me now, and the fact that I don't have a Nana or a dad anymore, basically bemoaning everything in my life that sucks. When everything comes together at once like that, the feelings kind of smack you in the face and demand to be felt.
Anyway, this all led to me debating driving home, at that exact second. Like, missing classes and just showing up at home. Or even not missing classes and just staying at home for a few hours before turning around and coming straight back home. Either option sounded perfect at the time (and even now it sounds pretty darn good) and I so just wanted to do it. Because maybe if I went home everything would be fixed, or maybe I would feel better about something, anything that was going on. I wondered how my mom would react. I have no idea what she would do. Like, literally no clue. I don't think she would be especially happy, but I don't think she'd be mad either (at least I hope not).
But I knew I couldn't do that. As much as I wanted ti to be, going home was not in the cards for me. Instead I drove to Royal Oak, the only other place I kind of knew how to get to, where I found a Leo's Coney Island, open 24 HRS. (i.e. The best thing to ever happen to me. I don't think that store realizes how much I needed it in that moment, and how happy it made me.). I got breakfast and diner coffee, just like what I got on days off from camp over the summer while I read my book, and I felt infinitely better about my life.
So yeah. There it is. Night y'alls.
TheFabKid
Comments
Post a Comment