A Little Easier
I have a theory: that you never forget your last moments you had with the people who were important to you. I base this off of my own personal experiences.
So, Thanksgiving's coming up and all that fun family stuff, and my dad's 67th birthday would have been this past November 4th, and this kind of stuff, it just makes my brain think of family things. And especially the last moments I had with people, because those are the things that just tend to stick with you.
For instance, I remember the week leading up to both my Nana and my Dad's passing away. I remember further back too, but the week-ish leading up was the worst. You always want to remember people at their best, when they were healthy and happy, but the images of them at their lowest just can't leave you. And I was there. both times, for the actual passing away. I'm glad I'm so stubborn, because it was just me and one of my aunts the night my Nana passed away. I convinced my mom to let me stay the night, and the whole time I held her hand. I fell asleep at one point, and when I woke up a little bit later she was gone. And even though it's one of the saddest things that's happened to me, I'm still glad that I was there for it. (Even though it keeps hitting me over and over. I even forgot it happened once, and remembering that a person isn't there anymore really, really, really frigging hurts.)
The whole thing just feels really unfair. Like, some people make it past college before they lose a parent or grandparent, yet here I am, losing a parent before high school, and my only grandparent left and one of my closest uncles before I graduated from high school.
And yeah, I understand that some people may have it worse, but this is my life, and for me it sucks pretty hardcore. And I will talk about the suckage all I want because it makes it all just a little bit easier.
So yeah.
So, Thanksgiving's coming up and all that fun family stuff, and my dad's 67th birthday would have been this past November 4th, and this kind of stuff, it just makes my brain think of family things. And especially the last moments I had with people, because those are the things that just tend to stick with you.
For instance, I remember the week leading up to both my Nana and my Dad's passing away. I remember further back too, but the week-ish leading up was the worst. You always want to remember people at their best, when they were healthy and happy, but the images of them at their lowest just can't leave you. And I was there. both times, for the actual passing away. I'm glad I'm so stubborn, because it was just me and one of my aunts the night my Nana passed away. I convinced my mom to let me stay the night, and the whole time I held her hand. I fell asleep at one point, and when I woke up a little bit later she was gone. And even though it's one of the saddest things that's happened to me, I'm still glad that I was there for it. (Even though it keeps hitting me over and over. I even forgot it happened once, and remembering that a person isn't there anymore really, really, really frigging hurts.)
The whole thing just feels really unfair. Like, some people make it past college before they lose a parent or grandparent, yet here I am, losing a parent before high school, and my only grandparent left and one of my closest uncles before I graduated from high school.
And yeah, I understand that some people may have it worse, but this is my life, and for me it sucks pretty hardcore. And I will talk about the suckage all I want because it makes it all just a little bit easier.
So yeah.
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