How It Goes

So, I bought myself a thermometer today. I feel like having those kind of house essentials that you don't always realize you need is a step to being able to live on my own. Kind of. (I actually still suck at living alone. Roommates are a big help for me)

I want to talk about Sisterhood (the sorority kind, which is why I capitalized the S), because the sisters in my sorority are just fabulous people. I feel like whenever I start to get/feel pretty down about life, something sorority-related happens to cheer me up. And this isn't limited to just the girls in my chapter. This year, I've managed to amazingly branch out and meet sisters in other chapters from different states who are all such amazing people. Being apart of the Deephers means that there's an instant 'Hi friend!' kind of vibe whenever you talk to another sister. You already have this amazing, big thing in common, so it's that much easier to become friends with someone. And it's just like, I know there are nice non-Deepher people out there to meet, and also that I could make friends with the Deephers without being, but Deephers are just so nice and caring that it's hard to not want to be a part of them and to get to know more of them. I'm ...

I'm so sleeeeeeppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.........................

I have a theory: that you never forget your last moments you had with the people who were important to you. I base this off of my own personal experiences. So, Thanksgiving's coming up and all that fun family stuff, and my dad's 67th birthday would have been this past November 4th, and this kind of stuff, it just makes my brain think of family things. And especially the last moments I had with people, because those are the things that just tend to stick with you. For instance, I remember the week leading up to both my Nana and my Dad's passing away. I remember further back too, but the week-ish leading up was the worst. You always want to remember people at their best, when they were healthy and happy, but the images of them at their lowest just can't leave you. And I was there. both times, for the actual passing away. I'm glad I'm so stubborn, because it was just me and one of my aunts the night my Nana passed away. I convinced my mom to let me stay the nigh...

Hello lovelies! So, all day I've had this really weird headache, and I've been really sleepy (not uncommon for a Friday after a long week), but I still didn't know why and it's been bugging me. But I think I've finally figured it out. I haven't had any coffee. All. Day. I think every day this week I've consumed multiple cups of coffee, but that didn't happen  today (It stopped after, like, 4am. A very reasonable hour to be drinking coffee). I think I might have a problem. I think this also describes my problem pretty well:  14 Coffee Memes To Express Your Addiction Perfectly Have a lovely night! TheFabKid

"...the unmistakable brightness of high school in their faces..." This is part of a line from a story I'm reading that's narrated by two college students. I find it funny because it's like the author is saying something along the lines of college sucking all of the brightness and joy out of you. (And I'm joking a little when I say that, because college isn't really that bad. The fun and the work equal themselves out-college is pretty great actually).

That minty, clean, fresh feeling you get after you brush your teeth that you just can't get from anything else.

The same things that make me feel like a grown-up also make me feel like a little kid again. For instance, tonight I went over to a friend's house, where we drank a little and watched a movie  and he fed me good food stuffs. I also haven't been home for almost three whole months. I've seen my mom and my puppy since then, but not my best friends nor have I actually been home. Like, it's grown-up to move away and not go a home a  lot. It's grown up to hang out with friends and drink and stuff. It's not grown up to feel homesick. It's not grow-up to pretend like you're an adult can do adult things. I'd like to think I'm an adult, but really I'm just a sad kid trying to cover up all of my flaws and insecurities and make myself look tougher than I really am. TheFabKid (I'm too tired to be thinking about stuff like this.I just need to go to sleep.)

Movies are weird shit man. They show you this fun reality where people do fun things all the time, and get to do these cool things. and have awesome things happen to them, and then after they're over, you're just supposed to go back to your normal life, like 'Yeah, this is some cool shit.' Because bad things happen to the people on-screen, but they always have some way out of it. By the end of the program their problem is fixed, and everyone's happy and nothing is ever bad anymore. But that's not how real life works. Real life is an unending series of ups and downs, and where for some people there are more downs than ups and there are no long-lasting solutions to their problems. And I happen to think that's kind of sucky, honestly. So yeah.  TheFabKid

I haven't been able to sleep lately. Or rather, I've been having trouble going to sleep. I lay down in bed, listen to my music, and then suddenly I'm overcome with this weird feeling. It's something like melancholy and missing something, but not knowing what I'm missing. So I'm just laying there, feeling sad and not tired enough to not think about being sad, so I pick up a book and read. I read and I read until I'm too tired to keep my eyes open anymore, then I put my book down for 'a quick break' and wake  up the next morning to my alarm clock. It's a system, and it works, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. TheFabKid

I'm going to explain myself a little bit here. Because I want to. You may have read about my late night/early morning adventures  here , but I didn't really go into much depth on the why of everything. Or the what of everything. You see, that night I just could not do it anymore. My dorm room felt too confining and I just hod to get away, otherwise I don't know what I would have done. But I could not be in my room anymore. So I took off, trying to run away from any and all of my problems. And ti worked for a short while, up until I ended up sobbing my heart out in my car a little while later. I felt (re: still feel) like a miserable failure with school and everything else and I just couldn't handle any of it anymore. I had to do something to get rid of the feeling, and while crying helped, it was also just kind of fuel for the flames because it brought on more of this hopeless feeling that had different contributing factors, like how I haven't been home in almos...

SO I've just realized that three of my last four blog post titles have ended in question marks. I think this is a sign that I REALLY don't know what I'm doing with my life. Oh well! I think Chandler outlines my feelings pretty well right here: TheFabKid

So, K and M are getting involved in NaNoWriMo now, and it makes me want to pick up writing again. I used to write all the time, I started in middle school and even took an independent study with one of my english teachers my senior year of high school for creative writing, and I LOVED it. (Although I just went back and started to read some of what I had written, and it's super cringe-worthy. Like, what was I even thinking??!!) So yeah. I don't have the time, but I might make the time for myself. Writing and drawing and such are really good ways for me to channel myself, which would be especially good now, because I tend to have these big periods of time when I can't sleep (even though I want to) and I just want to do something (but homework is out of the question), so I think if I started to work on a novel again I might feel better. That's all for now. Have a good whatever time of the day it is for you! TheFabKid

I have a gigundo sweater that is basically just a small blanket that I can wear around. It's frigging great! *(One of my friends wrapped the arms of it around me to see if it would fit like a straightjacket, and it did. I'm just super special like that.)

So, I think I've just had what ended up being the most interesting solo adventure of my college career to date. Let's make a list of what I did: Took a 2 AM shower, because I didn't want to make myself get up earlier in the morning for one.  Decided that I just could not stand being in Southfield for one moment later and took off on a drive with my journal, two books (both by John Green), and a blanket.  Ended up at the pavilion in Farmington Hills where my friends (I haven't had the time this year) go swing dancing. (2:30 AM)  Journaled Try to read, end up crying and feeling amazingly pathetic while doing so for about 20 minutes about everything that is currently wrong with my life (my list is long, and covers many an interesting subject, including homesickness, classes, best friends being far away, how I'm a pathetic mess this semester, ect.). (3:15) Decided to then drive somewhere else. Wanted to test my knowledge of the area.  Ended up in Royal Oak. (4:...

Another thing on the list of activities that make me feel grown-up: Making my own coffee at 2-AM in preparation for my all-nighter.