How It Goes

So I'm just going to dust off the keyboard and get started writing here again, 'cause boy oh boy has it been a while. There are actually a few reasons for that, but I don't feel like covering them right now (because this is my blog and I can write what I want) (and it's also probs going to come up at some point in the next few months).  So, I'm not going back to LTU this semester. A few people already know this, and it's been official for a little while, but it still sucks every time I think about it. However, I am still taking online classes through a local community college (and that means that I don't have to pay back student loans yet-yay!!). Not that many, only nine credits/three classes, but I think that's plenty considering everything else I'm doing for the next couple months.  Since I'm not going to school, I decided to work at camp for the fall! Yay fall camp! Fall is pretty different compared to summer in just about everything (a...

I found this link awhile ago, but didn't do anything with it. I just found this old post again though and I thought it would be nice to share with everyone. I feel like in life we're always looking to the next thing. The next weekend, the next year, the next birthday, the next season; so much so that we sometimes forget about this moment that we're in; this infinite moment of being. We forget to stop and smell the flowers, or enjoy a person's company, or to simply bask in the sun for a moment. We forget about being a kid. We dread being old. I don't know if that all makes sense, but I feel like everyone should get a chance to listen to and/or watch this interview at least a few times in their life:  Watch me! TheFabKid

Wow. What a summer. I'm officially done with my first cabin group of the summer, and boy it was a rough one. But now I'm onto my second cabin and I think it promises to be better. I mean, for starters, one of my best friends from camp is my co-counselor! And I'm going on this awesome trip to the Sleeping Bear Dunes in a week, and it's also a B-session, which I think tend to be more fun than the A-sessions. But yeah, that's all for now! TheFabKid

So,  I've dug myself into a hole right about now, and everything's not super great. But my mom just sent me this link and I think that it's kind of important for people to read regardless. http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/04/01/20-things-to-remember-when-rejection-hurts/

It's been almost a full month since I last posted anything; I guess that's because I didn't really know what to say. You see, the last month has been kind of a roller-coaster and I'm really disappointed in myself with how I handled this last year of school. Like, I seriously fucked just about everything up. (To my friends reading this, I might have told you guys a little bit, but I never told anyone the full extent of how bad everything was. How much I messed up.) My final grades? two D-'s, a C-, one  A, and I even managed to failed a class (and a lab at that, like, seriously? What the fuck is wrong with me?) So, I've been re-evaluating a lot. I dropped my double major down to just one, and dropped my minor (for the moment, I'm probably going to pick one up again after I get my shit together next semester.) I don't really know how next year is going to go, but I'm hoping for something, anything  better then how this year went. I never told anyo...

Cheerios, coffee, and sunshine.

I have to walk back to my housing building after I’m done with work at 2AM, and all I want to do is take of my pants and crawl into bed.  I just don’t want to be at work anymore. (This has been the longest five hours of my life). And I don’t want to do my homework. (But I need to otherwise I’m going to fail my classes).  I’m in my bad place again. (Which sucks because I was doing better earlier). 

So, in line with  this  post, I thought I'd make a couple lists. Things I Need To Do: Finish some studio drawings.  Go to my night class.  Read for said class.  Study for my quiz I'll hopefully have tonight.  Study for my Physics test on Friday.  Pass said test.  Clean my room. Do my dishes.  Help out with a program tonight. Some paperwork. Put in my hours. Sleep. Things I Want To Do: Sleep Read Eat What I Will Probably Do: No fizzing clue. 

I hate it when I start off not liking a character, and then they go and do things in a show, and you start to realize that maybe they're not all that bad of a character? They're cool and stuff... AND THEN THEY GO AND KILL THEM OFF!!!!! Sorry, I'm a little full of feels. (R.I.P. Vinny from Blue Bloods) (And everyone else, you know who you are you beautiful characters you.) TheFabKid

All I can think in right now are lists. Lists of things to do and classes and homework and Deepher Dude and RA shtuff  and what's going to happen next year. It's this constant worry of 'What should I be doing right now? Stuff should be getting done.'  I pull all-nighters and issue emails at 6AM because that's when I'm most awake (and then sleep when the sun's out and skip my classes because I just don't want to go. I'm a bad student. I should probably be more worried about that.) And I went out (to a Coney Island, not Out) at 1AM last night with my friend and we just had fun and talked and ate food, so I'm feeling better because of that, but there's still this kind of constant dread and exhaustion on my mind.  I'm co-organizer for this event next Thursday, and I want it to go well. When it's over I won't be so frazzled anymore. Basically I'm sending more emails and texts than ever right now and getting to spend some qua...

So, the the nerdy fangirl side of me is going to come out for a second here, cause I have a lot of feelings about this show and I need to freak out about it for a second.  But I just found this show, called The 100 and I love it and there's these two characters and they're my fave and the show is awesome and there's like all this character growth and also trauma and action and funny and much sadness (lota people die, just saying). So it's wonderful and I love it and I'm kind of completely obsessed with it right now. Yeah. I also decided to re-watch the series instead of watching the last two episodes because I don't want to deal with the fact that I have to wait for another season (Even though I already know what happens because of Tumblr). So that's what's hip-hoppity-happening with me right now. How are your weekends looking lovelies? TheFabKid

My level of 'I don't even know anymore!' is at the point where I was up at 6:30 AM and made myself Lebanese green beans and tomato soup for breakfast at 7:00 AM. Like, what the flippity-flop is wrong with me? Sincerely Clueless, TheFabKid

I have people who tell me that they think I can do great things, that they know I can do it. It's 2:30 AM and I just want to talk to my friends, but I don't think anyone is still up, so instead I'm just going to sit in my bed and try to drown out the sound of my own brain by listening to my music loud enough that it hurts. I found out tonight that I can't try and run for an LT position in my sorority because my GPA is .05 too low (and I'm trying so hard, to do better with everything, really trying), because last semester was just really tough (in more ways than one). Before that I was at a 2.95, and it just really really sucks. You see, there was a particular position that I really wanted to run for on LT, and now I can't. So I can't be on LT. I didn't get a little this year. And I didn't get the RA position back. And I'm really worried about a couple of my classes. And now I don't have a car and I've been feeling really trapped her...

So I just want to write about who is currently my favorite musician out there right now; George Watsky. You see, it's just like- When I want to feel better I listen to Watsky. He's a rapper, and the only rapper I like. Watsky isn't like a normal rapper, he started out doing spoken word and is just generally amazing. He raps about being different-about pulling yourself together-about how maybe everything isn't okay right now; and I just always tend to calm down from when I'm having a sort-of meltdown at 5AM (that's specifying right now, but it applies to more times than now), and come out of life feeling a tiny bit better. I happened to forget about a project until like last night, which wouldn't normally be such a big problem, but this is my first time using the Rhino software and for whatever reason I'm having a lot of trouble trying to work with it. So my project isn't going to be done on time. And I'm just feeling really stressed out wit...

I like it when my coffee is so bitter that the smell invades my whole dorm room and when I drink it it curls my toes. It’s the feel of an all nighter, and oh my lordy, could I live on that rush. 

So, because I am alone and stir crazy and its Spring Break, I decided to go on a solo bike-ride-roof-climbing adventure at 3:00 AM today. Here's a picture of the lovely view:  (It's actually very nice, what with the fog and all).  Much love, TheFabKid 

The smell of winter turning into spring. It just makes it feel like something better is coming.

Today I was reading an article about quotes from children's books, and here are a few I really loved. “It doesn’t happen all at once,” he said. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”  — The Velveteen Rabbit  by Margery Williams “The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage.”  — The Princess Bride  by William Goldman  "How luck I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -- The Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh by A.A. Milne  “‘What day is it?’, asked Winnie the Pooh. ‘It’s today,’ squeaked Piglet. ‘My favorite da...

So I feel like there's this big shiny myth associated with college. That it's this grand new adventure that might be scary at first, but that no matter what you'll be Okay. That you'll find your niche and then nothing can go really wrong for you anymore. Maybe not all of you feel the same way, but that's how all the books go, and the movies, and that's what you're told in high school.  And I love being here, I wouldn't take that back for anything. But college didn't fix anything for me, and even when things do get better, eventually I end up feeling broken again. And I hear it from the people around me, and ugh. I'm just so done with constantly feeling so drained. Certain parts of school are fabulous, but sometimes it's just all too much.  So yeah. Basically I'm just being a pessimist who doesn't believe that things can stay better. (Sorry if this didn't make sense). 

It's super sunny today, which means that all I want to do is sit front of the window and sun bask while I play my guitar.  But I actually have to do thingssssssss

Ugh. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Uuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Guys, I monumentally suck at talking to people. Like, when it comes to texting I get all awkward and antsy and I never know what to say. I've talked to people that I go to school with about this, and they talk about how they prefer texting to talking on the phone, and I'm just like 'Noooooooooooo'. Talking on the phone is just so much easier! And less awkward! I'm a lot more smooth of a talker than I am a typer. Whenever I text people there's just so much stress about what I'm typing and 'did I say the right thing???'. Ugh. TheFabKid

I love that feeling when I can finally feel my caffeine kicking in. I get this rush and I feel all jittery and it's effing great! (I just love coffee so darn much!)  TheFABKid

So, with as balls cold as it's been lately I've kind of been getting a little impatient for summer to roll around. Also, for this past year I've been teaching myself how to play the acoustic guitar, so far all songs that I know already, because, well, I know them and I know how they go, so they're easier for me to learn. Tonight I was practicing some songs that I knew as a kid, American Pie and Leaving On A Jet Plane. Two really great songs, but they're a little older, so not everyone knows them. Anyway, it reminded me of when I was younger and we would have bonfires at my old house and It would be me, my mom and dad, and my best friend. At some point in the night my parents would always bring out this big old boombox/radio that we owned and we would play songs like American Pie and Leavin' On A Jet Plane and sing along to them. Playing them tonight made me really miss summer. I just want the warm weather and nice nights to come back so I can have bonfires aga...

I missed how great it is to walk through a calm snow. Not the stuff on the ground, but when it's falling from the sky, and the flakes are fat and fluffy and gentle as they rest on you; when the snow isn't whipping them around like a madman. I got that today on my way to class, and it was just so relaxing. I felt happy and giggly and not stressed out. Everything else just kind of melted away and it felt great to have that little moment. See, I actually really love winter, but Southfield makes me hate it a little bit. You see, it's always so cold and windy and horrible during the winter, the snow stings when it hits you; all of it combined just makes winter kind of miserable. I'm used to the softly-falling-snow type of winter, so it was nice to have that tonight.

' I want Bardon to wink at me'  I say with my mouth full of pancake as I sit on the ground in my Hogwarts snuggie at 3:00 in the morning. In case any of you were wondering what I'm up to, this about sums up my current life. TheFab Kid (P.S. Bardon is a character in this book series that I'm re-reading, I'm the the book DragonKnight right now. I first read this series back in like 8th or 9th grade, and I really love it.)

In the new member ed classes we do in my sorority we do this activity called roots and leaves, where we draw a tree (it doesn't have to be anything special) and the leaves represent qualities about yourself that are obvious or easily visible; whereas the roots are things about you that not everyone knows. Now, the one that I did with the sorority, I didn't put everything down that I really thought belonged on there, so I made my own. I think I'll keep on adding onto it, but I thought I'd share it with you guys for right now.  Goodnight lovelies! TheFabKid 

Guys, I made so many things today!! Woot, go me!! Today was actually really grand, all things considered. I made a big wooden box (it's my project for studio and we had to cut holes and rectangles out of the sides, so it wasn't actually all that simple). It stands 2 feet high and is 1'x1' wide and deep. Might I also mention that it's sexy smooth. I spent upwards of an hour sanding it with three different sandpaper grains, the last of which was really fine, so my box is pretty damn sexy, tell you me. (I'll probably post pictures after I'm done.) (Side note: There's a a guy that;'s kind of cute that works in the woodshop, and he was the one who ended up helping me when I wasn't allowed to work the equipment, so that's always a plus.) Then I made pancakes for the first time! I've actually never ever made pancakes before (I tend to prefer waffles), but they turned out really well and I shared them with my friend at the desk at 1:30 in the...

This past week has probably been one of my worst to date, excluding those where people have died. Like, for a normal week, it sucked hardcore, and tell you me, that sucking started out strong.  Last Friday I was in a car accident. I was heading up to see my mom and aunt about an hour north of where I go to school and about five miles away from my exit I got into a crash. I was in the far left lane of a four-lane highway and I looked down for a second. When I looked up I was over the rumble strips and I was afraid I was going to go off the road, so I turned my wheel, but I think I might have been on some ice or something because I lost control of my car. It started to swerve majorly to the right, and I couldn't make it stop and I think I started to spin. The next thing I saw was one of those reflector poles that have the little circle on top on the side of the highway, and it was coming straight for my driver's window, and I tried, but I couldn't do anything about it, and...

Gawd, my friends are freaking awesome.

So, I haven't posted anything here in a while. Ever since I got back to school the crazy meter on life has been going up. Like, the first two weeks of school was rush for Greeks, and I have another crazy studio professor, and I have a job, and I just re-joined a student org. for my major that I've really wanted to be a part of all year; and on top of that, all of these things have their own meetings, My god, I must be a masochist. And like, today, today just kind of sucks. I've been sick for about four days now and it's kind of escalating today. Plus, I didn't get to bed until about 4:00 AM (I worked until 2:00, otherwise I would have been to bed sooner), and then I had an interview for my application to return as an RA next year at 9:00 AM!!!! I am not a morning person. Like, in any way, shape or form, so that was awfully rough. Reading this, I realize that this might all be coming off as really whiny, but you know what? I don't care. I feel like being wh...

Well, everyone, it's been a little while, hasn't it? I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. What it feels like to be home. My friends, what to post about. Just my brain doing its normal stuff. So I'm going to start this out by talking about home and college. (It's kind of the obvious choice, given where I am right now). So I have this actually rather ancient (as far as stuffed toys go) stuffed pink dog that my mom actually had as a kid, and then have to me when I was younger. (It's name: Pink Dog. My mom gave it to her, but to be honest, I can't think of any other name that would suit her). But the thing about both my mom and I having owned this dog for a very long timer and that Pink Dog is rather fragile and no longer goes everywhere with me. She's had her fair share of patches while in my posession, and I'd rather not create any more.  Anyway, Pink Dog has this really distinct scent, and I was snuggling her whilst trying to fall asleep t...