Hospital Nerves

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So, I've been watching this (super great, I think) medical drama lately (Emily Owens, M.D. of which there is only one season and that fact makes me incredibly sad) and it's been getting me thinking about sick people and hospitals, and it's made something come to my attention. 
I've decided that I don't like hospitals. At all.
When my dad had cancer both the first time and the relapse, he was in a hospital for part of the time. My most distinct memory is watching the original Karate Kid on VHS in the family waiting room and being the only one in there. And my mom came in and told me that my dad's cancer was back and I'm pretty sure that, besides the memorial service, that was last time that I cried in front of my mom, and pretty much anyone else for that matter. 
Then, last year my Nana got admitted to the hospital, and while it wan't bad right away, it got worse and that was where she passed away (it still doesn't feel real). We were there for about a week, and the night she died I stayed with my aunt because I just didn't want to leave, and that was the night she died. I'd been wanting to stay the night with her for a while but my mo hadn't been letting me. That night I weaseled my way into being able to stay, and that's when it happened. I sat by her bed and held her hand even though she hadn't been responding to that stuff, ever since I got there I think. But I did it anyway because she was my Nana, and that's what you do with people when they're in that state. 
I've always felt guilty about  the fact that the last time I went to visit my Nana I didn't talk to her as much as I normally had and I feel horrible about the fact that I didn't spend the time I had with her actually with her, because like I said, by the time I got to the hospital she wasn't responding to anything. It's something that I've never talked about to anyone before because I know it's probably stupid, but I can't help the guilty feeling that I get when I think about it. 
And so, because of these two things, I have the full and reasonable right to not like hospitals.

TheFabKid

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